Pro Wrestling Fusion

Over the years, professional wrestling has seen it’s fair share of unique characters; there have been giants, moon men, dead men, boogie men, there has even been vampires and zombies, but I don’t know if the wrestling world has witnessed anything quite like King Kong Fu. King Kong Fu is relatively new to the wrestling scene but this combat athlete seems ready and poised to blaze his own trail with Pro Wrestling Fusion. Standing at 6’3” and weighing well over 300 pounds, King Kong Fu moves with a grace and dexterity the belies his gargantuan frame. So when the webmaster for Pro Wrestling Fusion asked me to interview this behemoth, I jumped at the chance to interview, what could be, wrestling’s next big star…I really didn’t know what I was getting in to.
Interviewer: Hello, umm, do I call you King? Or Mr. Fu?

King Kong Fu: Chill, baby…just call me what my friends call me, Fu.

I:Thanks. Well, Fu, my first question is this: How have you prepared for the level of competition that Pro Wrestling Fusion has to offer?

KKF: Ah, man, wrestling is not that much different from dancing. Whenever you’re out on those tiles, it’s a battle, a war, and I’m going to teach the other cats in Fusion, that not only does King Kong Fu look good…but he can get down with the beat down…can you dig?

I: Yes, but how have you prepared yourself…physically?

KKF: Brother…I am out there, every night, doing my thang on the dance floor. I’m moving my hips, shaking my caboose, letting it all hang out. You’d be surprised by how tough it is dancing with all those fine, foxy mama’s all night. Then, you have some jive turkey come up in your face, challenging your manhood and all…and sometimes a simple “Rodeo” or “Hustle” just doesn’t do the trick. You’ve got to be quick on your feet, ya dig? You’ve got to be ready to look at the man in the eye and say, “This is MY floor, and you’re going to have to kill me to get me to stop boogieing. In addition to doing “my thang”, ya dig, is my extensive training in the martial arts.

I: What disciplines do you have experience in?

KKF: See now brother, what I’ve done, is taken different the techniques from all the different forms and mixed them up to make a new discipline: Karat-itsu Fu. See, I’m my own man, ya dig? And just like my main soul brother, Mr. Bruce Lee, I’ve decided to blaze my own trail.

I: Hmm…interesting. Are there any techniques you could show me?

KKF: I could, man, but you know, these forms have only one function, and that’s to whoop ass…and I don’t think you want me to show you something that could mess up those fly threads you’re wearing…am I right?

I: Sure thing Fu, I appreciate your discretion. Now, I’d like to move on to the word association segment of the interview. I’m going to throw out some names and you tell me what you think.

KKF: That’s cool, brother.

I: Bruce Santee
KKF: He’s a big, mean cat, ya dig? Unfortunately for him, he has no styyyle.

I: Scott Commodity
KKF: Maaaaan, that dude’s from right out of a comic book.

I: The Sheik
KKF: That’s one CRAZY dude, he needs to mellow out, you know…just chiiiill.

I: The Fusion Bombs
KKF: I got some moves for the foxes…out on the dance floor, ya dig?

I: Erick Stevens
KKF: Doesn’t that cat know that punk is dead? He needs to let that hair grow out…come hang with me down at club. I’ll have that dude shucking and jiving in now time.

I: Bruiser Bradley
KKF: He’s got that cowboy than going, you know, it works for him…

I: Well, Fu, thank you for taking the time out of your day to talk with me.
KKF: C’mon, brother…it’s all gravy.

I: Is there anything you’d like to say to the Fusion fans out there.

KKF: Yeah, dude, I just want all those fans to prepare themselves for a grooving good time at Fusion…I’ll be there rockin’ n rollin’, slammin’ and jammin’, and shuckin’ and jivin’…So I guress I have just one question for Fusion fans…

CAN… YOU… DIGG IT?